A mother was haunted by anxiety after being too distracted to play with her son, without understanding why. Then she received a surprising diagnosis in her 30s that explained everything.
Amy Polly had postpartum anxiety after the birth of her son, now four-year-old Jackson. Amy thought that was why she had “chaotic” thoughts and a “noisy” mind.
But after months of research, the mother was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) at the age of 37. attention he needed”.
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Amy, who lives in Stamford, Lincolnshire, finds it ‘so hard’ to juggle her ADHD symptoms while being a mother – mundane and repetitive tasks are hard for her to do, such as playing the same games over and over with her son . It can make her feel like she’s not always giving him the attention he deserves.
In addition to Amy’s ADHD and postpartum anxiety symptoms, she also broke up with her son’s father three years after giving birth, causing her to “burn out” and eventually go to her GP to seek help. Before becoming a mindfulness coach, Amy worked as an accountant and left every task to the last second, which her boss had no idea about—since she was diagnosed, she realized this was a common symptom of ADHD.
Amy thinks the growing awareness about ADHD, especially among women, on social media is extremely positive – she hopes young people will be more knowledgeable about the symptoms of ADHD, meaning more people could be diagnosed. “Having ADHD in old age was a huge learning curve and a complete shock — I used to think everyone had a constantly noisy brain and found boring activities almost impossible,” said Amy.
“It’s strange to hear that you have something you didn’t know for 37 years. So it was amazing and very surprising, but reassuring at the same time.
After the birth of her son Jackson in October 2018, Amy felt she had little control over her emotions and was diagnosed with postpartum anxiety a few months later. She said: “My thoughts were so chaotic, my mind wouldn’t rest.
“It was so noisy in my head – it confused me so much when my partner could just watch television without worrying or thinking about a million other things.”
In addition, Amy and her son’s father separated in early 2021. She explained, “The breakup was very amicable and nice, but I was moving out, and I was doing my side business, and I was basically burning out because I was struggling with all these thoughts from my postpartum anxiety.”
Amy decided to see her GP in May 2021, but little did she know that her postpartum anxiety was also a sign of her undiagnosed ADHD. “I had no idea what I was going through could be ADHD,” she said.
“I had a really hard time after having my baby boy, and I couldn’t control my thoughts very well. But ADHD just wasn’t something I had even thought about.
“It was talking to my doctor at the time, and she mentioned ADHD, and then I started looking at some bits and pieces on Google and social media, and I thought maybe I had ADHD.”
Amy explained how her undiagnosed ADHD was day-to-day for her at the time, saying, “It was really hard for me to sit and play with my son. For example, playing Thomas the Tank Engine with him is not interesting for me to focus on – it was hard to give him the attention he needs.”
Amy’s doctor suggested her for an ADHD screening test, but with a six-month waiting list on the NHS, she decided to go private, and in September 2021, aged 37, she was diagnosed with the disorder. “It was just lightbulb moment after lightbulb moment,” she said.
Amy also began to see some “positive changes” in her life, explaining: “After my diagnosis, my boss asked me if I wanted to quit my job, which I did. Having my ADHD diagnosis gave me permission not to to be so hard on myself.
One of the biggest difficulties for Amy was managing her ADHD symptoms while she was a mother. She said: “I think when you have a kid you have to keep things like impulsivity in check.
“You can’t do things so impulsively, and you have to have the focus and the ability to be able to do things that aren’t driven by interests, because you just have to keep a kid alive and happy, regardless, it’s not always exciting. With ADHD, it’s it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, and I got to the point where, despite being a mindfulness teacher, I felt like I couldn’t control my thoughts.
“It was also difficult because it’s all internal.”
Looking back on her life, Amy felt that her ADHD diagnosis explained many of her behaviors and thoughts. She said: “I always knew I was different, but I didn’t know how much I thought and saw the world differently than others.
“I just thought everyone was like that.”
Since discovering “ADHD masking,” where people subconsciously hide their ADHD symptoms, Amy realized that in social situations she would focus so much on appearing a certain way rather than being present. She said: “I would always be the one in the room making everyone laugh to avoid what was going on around me.
“All my attention and focus was on making everyone laugh – that was masking for me – just pushing through things that were uncomfortable through humor. At work I used to put it off and do important tasks at home at night at the very last minute – my boss had no idea, I would just hide it.
Looking to the future, Amy hopes that with more awareness on social media and more people advocating and educating about ADHD, fewer people will be diagnosed later in life. She said: “Maybe if there was more awareness like now I would have been diagnosed earlier in life.
“I think social media exposure in general is a real benefit because we have that opportunity to have an open conversation. And now, when the younger people who use social media have a baby, they will already have this knowledge and they can be diagnosed early with ADHD, not left to an older age like me.
For more information about ADHD visit: www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/
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